Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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