it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
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This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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