Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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