I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
