you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize