You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
