The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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