What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
