My hair reeks of homosexuality.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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