you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
