Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
