my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
