Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
