No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
