Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
what day is it and did you see me today?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
