He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
