all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
