so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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