So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I have post one night stand depression
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
