Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
