i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
