So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
