Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
