Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
