Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
