You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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