Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
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And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
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She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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