remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
