there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
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