i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
