If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
