I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
