Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
