i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
