Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
