I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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