nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We left the knife in your bed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
