bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
