Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Hippo gnu deer
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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