first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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