I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
