if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
