Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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