turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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