I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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