I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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