hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
