At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We left an ass print on the piano.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
