You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
