you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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