Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
