I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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