Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
