Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
