Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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