nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
