Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
