WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
