Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
