She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
