I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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