Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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