I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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