my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
