I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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