you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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